I was not born to move quickly.

 

I used to be a bit of a gym addict and would run a lot but one day I realised that it didn’t really suit me or work for me; that hiking, yoga and swimming are more my style. Thing is, rather than choose to do the slower stuff, I chose not to do anything much at all. Oh, I go for the odd swim and walk and I have been more conscientious this year because it’s on the ‘bag list’ but I haven’t taken anything up as routine and habit in the same way that I used to be dedicated to the gym and running. Yet.

 

I was not born to speed through life in the fast lane either.

 

I don’t know how else to earn money except to work very very hard; be incredibility diligent and conscientious; be all things to all people. In my experience, earning money and supporting your life means juggling a LOT and running about like a lunatic. Despite knowing that a fast pace doesn’t suit me, I continue to do it. My career change to ‘artist’ was partly in pursuit of being more authentic to work that suited me better. It started out like that but I have rather quickly found myself back in the same habit of trying to do way too much and am feeling rather depleted and uncertain as a result. Thankfully I love my work and all that it stands for. I just need to figure out a way of doing it that is at a pace that makes me happy. I will.

 

Everything inside me is yearning to stop. It’s not just my body telling me I need a holiday – although that would be nice. It’s my spirit telling me I need a lifestyle overhaul. Just when I thought I had had one of those, I sense another on the way…!  The way I am operating is clashing with the way my spirit wants me to operate. I have more days on track than off now that I have chosen to live my life consciously but I am obviously still trying to operate in a way that is foreign to my true self. I am still running old patterns that do not serve me. I’m dashing about like a blue-arsed fly (gotta love Aussie slang!) when I need to be butterflying through life with far more ease and grace.

 

I wanted to make today special. Today is day 100 of this blog! I wanted to celebrate it. I wanted the day to be really different. Really daring & mighty. Instead, I spent 3 hours in a waiting room wanting a quick fix for my lurgy only to be told there was no quick fix. No drugs for me then! The Dr seemed rather perturbed by me. I sensed I was wasting his time. I left annoyed by his attitude but he simply pressed buttons that highlight what I have been ignoring. Reading between the lines, I reckon he wanted to tell me to take responsibility for my health – to slow down. It wasn’t long ago that I was forking out a fortune for acupuncture to heal my seized-up shoulders. This lingering lurgy is just another warning sign. It’s like my body is saying, “Katie, if you won’t listen to the discomfort of your spirit, perhaps you will listen to the pain in your body!”

 

I may be feeling more on track in my life than ever before but I am still on my journey. Today may not have been the celebratory day I was hoping for but it has been a gift. I have a choice now. To listen and grow or to ignore and stay stuck. I do not know the ‘how’ but I do know a shift is needed. Interestingly I am starting an NLP course tomorrow that promises to assist me with ‘achieving specific goals (personal and business), great balance and a happier life’. I guess the Universe has lined all of this up for me at the perfect time in the perfect way. Again!

 

Ah Universe, you never fail to deliver. Thank-you.

 

* pic with thanks to guardian.co.uk