It is interesting how much resistance we can put up in order to protect ourselves from feeling vulnerable. We create stories about why things are not possible but sometimes this resistance exists to keep us in our comfort zones. We all have ‘our fear stories’.

I surprised myself with how much resistance I could come up with surrounding the idea of my writing a novel. This resistance simply flowed from my pen and I could have written reams of reasons as to why I can’t write.

In the programme, Katie set the three of us a homework challenge in which she asked us to  pick up the phone to each-other and do this exercise together BEFORE we next met. We had to call each other and one person was the questioner whilst the other answered. This was to be the dialogue:

Q: What have you always wanted yet not done?

A: give a reason why

Q: What else?

A: give another reason why

Q: And, what else?

A: you may get to a point where you say, ‘I don’t know’

Q: ask, ‘If you did know, what would it be’ and keep asking that question until they are able to give an answer.

Set a timer and do this for 15 minutes. DO NOT STOP. If you are the one asking the questions, be kind and gentle but persist. If there is a very long silence, gently interrupt with, ‘And what else’.

At the end, have a discussion about the STORIES. Without judgement, look at all the reasons why and consider WHAT ELSE COULD BE TRUE.

I took the opportunity to write down some of my resistant fears and here is what spilled out.

I have always wanted to write but I can’t because of…

• A lack of self-belief
• A lack of confidence
• I am not good enough
• I am not literate enough
• There would be too many spelling errors
• I am not intelligent enough – I lack precise recall
• Not spiritual enough/ not in tune enough to channel creative energy
• Who am I to presume to write – Just a small town-girl
• I won’t finish it
• It won’t be well received
• It would be too confessional
• It would be poorly written
• It will offend people
• It won’t be well structured
• It will be overwritten and unnatural
• I don’t have a plot
• I can’t write dialogue
• No-one will want to read it
• It won’t be my best work and I won’t be proud of it
• I don’t have the time for it
• It’s too much work
• I don’t have the staying power
• It won’t capture what I’m trying to say
• I will hate the characters
• The characters’ stories will take on a life of their own
• It will be too all-consuming
• No-one will publish it
• Words can’t capture mood anyway
• It could remain a pipe dream
• It will be a hair-brained scheme like my father’s.
• It is best not to do it.

Wow!  How is that for a bunch of negative, self-defeating beliefs? Pretty awful huh! Henry Ford’s classic line, “whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you are right” springs immediately to mind.

I actually found the exercise really cathartic in that I could vent a lot of beliefs and hold them up to the light. Seeing my fears listed like that surprises me because I wonder why it is that I can so easily resonate with so much self-doubt about this. What is it that I am really afraid of? Failure.  But what is actually lost if I fail? Very little. Arguably more is lost if I never try.

Do you have something that you have always wanted but not yet done? Why? And why else? And why else?

Grace notes are written on a musical score. They are tiny musical notes written next to regular notes in smaller notation. Grace notes denote sounds which are shorter than the actual note and exist to embellish the music. Alone, a grace note has no meaning but coupled with a principle note they create a richer tone. This blog exists as an adjunct to Daring and Mighty – rather like a grace note.