I have been driven completely by my head today – my heart, soul and body were definitely not in the driving seat! Feeling miserable with a dreadful cold, I focussed on completing tasks that would take me steps closer to earning the income I need to put a roof over our head and meals on the table. Very very basic. Sometimes I guess you just gotta get through the day if you are feeling pants, but it’s not at all how I like to operate. I neglected myself and it made me feel even more rubbish. Because I was being lead by my head, all my worries over finances came up and floored me further. Double whammy. I found myself really questioning my purpose, my credibility, my income potential …. all big things. And let me tell you, when my spirit is not in the driving seat and doubts like these come up, my head has a field day and it is not pleasant!

I had a chat with Mama Guru. No doubt she was hoping for some inspiring, uplifting conversation from me. She didn’t get it. She got miserable, negative Katie. I told her my doubts and fears and she said, ‘Well, at least you have found what you love and are doing something with it’. I pretty much ignored her and carried on with the ‘story’ I had been telling myself all day – ‘Who do I think I am to proclaim to be able to help other people!?’, ‘I work so hard and yet still am not financially on top of things’, ‘How can I make a business out of my passion?’, and on and on I went…..

Thank god for this blog because it makes me stop and process days like today. Mama Guru was right, at least I am trying. Like Theodore said, ‘Far better to dare mighty things….than to live in the grey twilight that knows not victory ‘nor defeat’. Today I definitely felt defeated. I felt lost and alone and low. Living my truth is tough sometimes. But, at least I am doing it.

Oh, and I need to point out that the Universe stepped in on a couple of occasions today and had people contact me with orders and enquiries or the right words at the right time, totally out of the blue – just a little reassurance, letting me know that I am on track and I am not alone.

Possibly not an uplifting blog today but writing it has made me feel daring and mighty. Onwards and upwards! I will nurture this sick body of mine now and look forward to feeling healthier and more on form tomorrow. Bring on a new day. Back to happy!

* The pic is of Finn very proudly showing off his new football socks, shin pads and shoes. ‘I am a proper footballer now’, he said as he got dressed at 6.30am, 3 hours before he needed to be ready. Gotta love how excited children get when they discover something they love. And, despite his dreadful cold, he powers on to football club every day to do what he loves. Great stuff. Note to self….!