I have recently been thinking about an audio-book I listened to several months ago called ‘The Five Love Languages of Children’. An amazing book and I highly recommend it if you have children and want to be a ‘conscious’ parent. Below is an excerpt from their web-site to briefly explain the book:
Do you know the five love languages of children? They are: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service. One of those five is the primary love language of your child. If you don’t speak that language, your child will not feel loved. This does not mean that you speak only the primary love language. No, you give heavy doses of their primary love language, then you sprinkle in the other four.
The ideal is that children learn to receive and give love in all five languages. This prepares them for good relationships as adults. Your example is the most effective method of teaching. Love your children effectively and they will learn to love others.
When I finished the book I identified that my son didn’t have one primary love language. He was a mix of ‘words of affirmation’, ‘acts of service’ and ‘quality time’. He didn’t seem to fit into one box with one primary language. Until today…..!
Yesterday I was conscious of spending quite a lot of time cooking dinner and not enough ‘fun’ time with Finn after school. So, when I picked him up from school today I told him dinner was sorted meaning we could spend some quality time together. He was very happy with this idea. We had a nice afternoon together and when he was getting in the bath he said, ‘Mummy, you never play with me!’. Wow, that was hard to hear! My rational mind knows that I am a very conscious parent that gives him a lot of focussed and quality attention and I knew he was fishing for some extra time with me before bed (which he got because although we had just spent some nice time together, I still managed to allow him to press my ‘guilt’ button!). As a working parent life is a juggle and my daily focus is on achieving as much balance as possible, with Finn at the top of the list ensuring he feels loved. Sometimes that is tough and on days like today – which was full-on in terms of work-load – achieving balance at the end of the day feels like a mini miracle. I thought I had done really well today, so hearing his words was like a sledge hammer to my heart.
Today Finn demonstrated to me that ‘Quality Time’ had moved to the very top of his list of love languages. The others are obviously still important but total 100% focussed attention on him has become his priority. I would hazard a guess that this is the case with most 4 yr olds so this isn’t exactly groundbreaking information, but it has certainly stopped me in my tracks and made me more aware than ever how important it is that I get my work / life balance just right. It is the perfect time really because my work is about to get busier and this has served as a perfect reminder about how important it is to ensure my ‘lifestyle’ is considered first. Meaning that my work will have to fit in with Finn and I. Not the other way around. A constant challenge but a worthy pursuit.
