Today I was reminded how important it is to stop and recognise what you are achieving. It’s another tool which helps me stay in conscious awareness. In balance.

I’ve been feeling rather off the last few days, wondering what this life of mine is all about. Not like me. And I do still blame it a little on lack of sunshine and the need for a holiday!! I feel like I have lost site of me for a few days and I have felt wobbly as a result. So busy ‘doing’ and existing in my head and not enough ‘being’ and operating from my heart. I have really felt it too because since I started living my life in conscious awareness I feel any distance from myself so strongly. It’s great because it means I have a strong radar that will alert me to the need to get back into alignment but it’s tough too because I feel with much more sensitivity than I used to. When I feel wobbly, I really FEEL it. Unlike the numbed out days of old when I wouldn’t even recognise that I was off-course because I was in a routine or habit of just squishing feelings down month after month, year after year, to the point where you have no idea who or where you are anyway, let alone notice that this week you are feeling a little off. These days, I know very quickly when things aren’t quite right.

Here’s the things though. I am human. And, old habits die hard. So, even though I have been feeling wobbly for a few days and I have been aware of it, I haven’t done anything about it. I have let the discomfort fester and allowed myself to feel worse. It’s all very well allowing yourself to have a bad day and not feel on top form. Totally agree with that. It’s a different thing all together to do nothing about it. I have the tools. I know how to re-align myself. Meditation is a crucial starting point. Long walks. Journalling. Painting. Talking with friends. It all helps me to get back into my heart, understand what the niggle is, accept it, decide how to deal with it and move forward.

I was chatting with a friend this-evening who I have not spoken to in a couple of weeks. I told her I had been feeling rather rubbish. She listened and understood. We blamed the weather! Then we caught up on all that had been going on in my life during the last fortnight. “Wow!”, she said. “Can you hear yourself? You have just whittled off an incredibly long list of massive achievements and exciting plans which have all happened in the space of just a few days and yet you started our conversation saying things were pants!”  Reality check. She was right! Stopping and realising all I have been doing and achieving, big and small, really made me feel good. I remembered that my life is actually quite exciting and fulfilling. Crucially, I gave myself a big pat on the back. I remembered how important it is to congratulate myself. To recognise all that I do each day. In the same way that I am constantly encouraging, supporting and congratulating my son I must remember to do that for myself.  When you are in your s**t, it’s easy not to see all that you are achieving and only focus on what is not happening. Dangerous.

So, I have been reminded of a very valuable tool today. I am now going to go and give myself some more big pats on the back.

Oh, and just an example of one of the exciting things going on……today I booked a holiday to Disneyland with Finn!!! We are beside ourselves excited. It’s a huge item on the Bag List this year and a very special treat. Bring it on!