I had a MAJOR epiphany this week which I would like to share with you.

I have been away with my man for a romantic escape to the seaside for a bit of spa hotel luxury (pics attached). It was one of those trips where you get to switch off completely and relax. From that surrendered state, honest and inspired conversation flows easily.

We had a frank conversation about the subject of comparison. 

As a 43 yr old woman and a 44 yr old man with kids to other partners, divorce, divided investments etc under our belts it can be so easy for us to feel ‘behind’ in life. It’s easy for us to fall into the trap of thinking that we aren’t where we had hoped to be by this point in our lives. It’s easy to look at the beautiful homes our friends are buying and the next level cars they are driving and the schools they are investing in etc etc and feel inadequate.

Comparison can so easily have us feeling jealous and not good enough. It’s the most disempowering state and from that place, the manifestation of an inspired life is super challenging.

 

 

While we were away, I noticed how comparison comes up in so many sneaky ways.

For example, we went for a gorgeous walk along the beach and stopped to chat with a local couple. A conversation evolved around where we were staying. “Oooh, lovely”, the lady said. “Not cheap though!”. I found myself wanting to say something to downplay our experience like, “We got a great deal”, but I buttoned my lips. I knew I was only saying it to make her ‘feel better’ and I know better than to presume to know how someone else is feeling. I’ve learned to mind my own business. Hell, maybe I’m inspiring her by my ability to stay in such a beautiful hotel. Maybe she went home and booked herself and her husband a romantic break!

Just when I thought I had avoided getting caught up in a sneaky comparison trap, the conversation shifted to camping and instantly we could become more ‘relatable’ by talking about how we own a camper van and love to camp too. The theme was, “We love to rough it AND five star it”. Cringe! So much for minding my own business! And afterwards I felt disempowered because I hadn’t fully owned my luxury hotel experience. A part of me made myself wrong for it.

Crazy, I know!

 

So, where else do we fall into comparison traps?

Facebook! Vicariously watching (and judging) other people’s lives. Notice how your judgement is usually a reflection of your jealousy. It’s a defence mechanism to avoid not feeling good enough. Cutting them down to feel better about yourself is hardly an empowering experience is it. You are left feeling pretty empty, right!?

The ‘ideal’ body. Comparing your body to the media’s ideal image has you perpetually disappointed. Hell, mostly you are comparing yourself to a photoshopped image that’s not even real. We all know that true beauty is reflected from the inside out. You know it in your gut. And yet we are conditioned to compare. Liberating empowerment is derived from self acceptance and self love. The ego’s comparison habit is incredibly disempowering. You will never be good enough because there will always be another supermodel shoved in your face (if you choose to look).

I am sure you can identify so many areas in your life where you fall into comparison. I invite you to notice how that makes you feel. I then invite you to ask yourself what you need to believe to feel more empowered.

So going back to my conversation with James the other night around comparison to other couples our age. We realised how lucky we were to have met each other and that had we not experienced all that we had, we never would have found each other. Bonus!

That moved us into a conversation of gratitude for who we are as individuals, how we are being of service in the world, how we are evolving on a soul level, how much love we have, our gorgeous children, our incredible first world opportunities etc etc.

Then we were hit with an inspiring new belief (which is now our daily mantra) :

“We are starting now!”

We could feel left behind. Or, we could appreciate our life journey so far and choose to believe that our next level is starting now. We are only just getting started!

That opened up so much potential and possibility.

We are only just pushing off the start line!

When we choose to believe that we are starting now, it makes us feel good. Actually, it makes us feel great! And who’s to tell us whether that’s true or not. It doesn’t matter. It’s our truth. We are choosing a truth that makes us feel good. We could choose to believe a truth that tells us that we should be in the same position as friends our age, but that doesn’t feel good.

Choosing beliefs that make you feel good is your right.

It’s your responsibility to choose thoughts that make you feel good.

That’s self love in practice. 

I believe it’s lazy to coast in the land of the unconscious and succumb to disempowerment because your beliefs are rooted in scarcity.

You are choosing those beliefs – even when you are not conscious to it.

Self love requires you to get conscious to the thoughts that are running your life. Then self love calls you to do something about it.

 

If you know you get sucked into the disempowered world of comparison I invite you to quit the habit by applying this three step process :

• Awareness – notice where you are in a comparison trap and how that makes you feel. Write a list and be honest!
• Gratitude – cultivate an attitude of appreciate for all that you have. Move your energy from scarcity into abundance.
• Choice – decide what you need to believe to feel empowered (and not compare). Remember, you get to choose beliefs that make you feel good. That is always within your power.

I am so glad to have had this reminder this week and I hope this serves you well too.

Love loads,

Katie xx