I woke up this morning knowing I had to make a big decision today. I felt the weight of the decision and I didn’t feel confident at all about making it. No-one could give me the answer. I just had to do what felt right.
I have been part-time contracting in the City as an Events Manager to supplement my income while getting Daring And Mighty off the ground. I enjoy the work and it’s nice to earn an income from something within my comfort zone because Daring And Mighty literally puts me out of my comfort zone every single day! I love that it takes me out of the countryside and into London, keeping me interested and stimulated. Although the commute is nearly 2 hours I get to catch up on e-mails and listen to audio books or music. I love the people I work with and I only work the days that Finn is with his Dad so never compromise my time with him. All in all, it has been perfect.
An additional new contract has been offered from a large bank. Pretty much everything about it sounded right up my street – working on a very interesting and inspiring event. It would mean I would be in London much more than I am now but the money would be great, meaning I could afford to launch all sorts of products for Daring And Mighty as well as taking a nice trip to Australia over the Summer and DisneyLand for Finn’s birthday (both on The Bag List for this year). Big big carrots. Of-course I would somehow have to juggle Daring And Mighty in the evenings and on weekends. I did that for a while last year and ended up in bed for 10 days with Pneumonia. This time I could hire an au pair, cleaner, gardener and cook to take some of the pressure off. But, could I justify only really getting quality time with Finn every other weekend at which time I would be shattered and still trying to juggle work. But, perhaps I could make it work. Anything is possible! I could get help with the business. I could perhaps negotiate to work a little from home meaning I could manage the odd school run. I would eat better and meditate more to keep healthy. Anything is possible. Surely!
But, my gut told me something had to give. The idea that anything is possible is true, but I have learned it has to work within my most important values. Right now those are quality time with Finn, quality time with myself, personal and spiritual development. Being my own boss is also right up there along with my health. Despite knowing all this, the lure of assured income had me mentally planning holidays and hiring ‘staff‘ which felt very exciting. I do want to feel wealthy. I also finally believe I deserve it. But, at what cost? And perhaps there is a different route to getting it. A more fulfilling and true-to-me route.
I put it out to the universe as soon as I woke up. I asked for a sign within the hour. I needed a quick answer because I had to let the recruitment consultant know my decision (which I was dreading too because she is so lovely!). Within 20 minutes I had my answer. Finn had a virus over the weekend which I thought had cleared up by last night. When he woke me this-morning he looked great and seemed in great spirits. As he started to undress to put on his school uniform, I discovered he was actually covered in a nasty looking rash. I decided to keep him home from school and take him to the doctor. I could do this because I am self employed. I changed my plans for the day and made it work around Finn and the doctor’s appointment. Turns out Finn was actually fine and the rash was the virus leaving his body so he ended up enjoying a day off school. The important thing was that I experienced no stress at the thought of keeping Finn home and he experienced total love and care without any guilt. I only had myself to answer to and Finn is my priority. I still managed to work quite a lot today as well as enjoy a cafe stop with him, have lunch together and build a lego house. I also managed to try a new recipe and cook us a yummy fish pie for dinner (bag list – tick!).
Admittedly I didn’t feel any sense of relief letting the job opportunity go. It’s hard for me to admit to myself that I can’t do everything, but writing this and ordering my thoughts on the subject has helped me to accept that I have made a decision. I have chosen to prioritise my highest values and so must trust that the money, the trips to Australia and Disneyland, the ‘staff’ and the continued nail appointments will come from another source that is more true to me!
Oh lord, this path of living in conscious awareness is a challenging one but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
(The pic above is of my ‘sickly’ son in the cafe today…….!!!!!)
