Wanna know why I love being Daring & Mighty?

It’s the constant learning. The ever deepening self awareness. And as I lean into the light and the dark of myself I see the whole picture more clearly. The truth of me is a spectacular tapestry of colourful threads, intricate embroidery depicting a myriad of encounters & experiences, rough textures reflecting harsh truths, menacing folds hiding dark nights of the soul, deliciously smooth curves of awesome vulnerability, shimmering  golden threads and dripping diamantes befitting of the beautiful queen that I am.

That’s why!

My personal & spiritual development journey ‘officially’ began 13 years ago in a grief counselling session. Over the years, I have uncovered layer upon layer of intimate truths. There have been some biggies in there and as I came upon each one, I tackled them head-on with gusto. I was determined not to repeat the ‘stuff’ that did not allow my parents to shine. Of course, I had been repeating much of it already. I made the decision to stop.

Just when I thought I had awareness of the biggest blocks in my road – ‘Victim’, ‘Lack’, ‘Anger’, ‘Overwhelm’ ‘Drama’ – BAM! I discover another. But weirdly, this time it wasn’t a painful or embarrassing discovery. It was the most liberating experience of my life!

I recently uncovered my Modus Operandi! My fundamental operating system. I would go so far as to say it has been the driving force behind every decision, every thought, every encounter in my life since I can remember. An expectation of being let down or disappointed. And breath. It’s a big one!

I had this awakening while enjoying a cup of tea on a lazy Sunday morning in bed. I wasn’t sat with a group of die hard personal development workshoppers. I wasn’t sat opposite a coach who was pulling this revelation out of me. I wasn’t even sat in meditation. I was just hanging out with my son, feeling rather peaceful and relaxed, toying with the idea of making us breakfast.

I was READY. My Spirit knew it was time to let me in on the secret of my saboteur.

Sure, as a teacher of all things Self-Love, by default I am a student 24/7. So, yes, my Spirit had been showing me the way to this revelation for some time and I was aware that the previous few weeks had felt uncomfortable. I knew something was coming. I knew I was in chaos and that change was around the corner. I have learned to surrender to the discomfort, to pay attention to all inner nudges, to watch for clues that would deepen my understanding of what was to come. So, when it arrived it was ‘expected’. But this awakening was so big I could barely contain my excitement! I was bouncing off the walls, internally! My son couldn’t believe his luck when I brought us breakfast in bed. Who cares about the crumbs!!! I am no longer going to be guided by an expectation of disappointment. My entire life is going to change! I can CHOOSE another operating system!

What took me by surprise though was what happened over the next few days. I was NOT prepared for that! On reflection, I know better, but I was so excited by the idea that the shackles had been cut loose and that I was FREE.

Instead of experiencing liberation, instant fulfillment, satisfaction and miraculous abundance, what I got was a LOT of disappointment. It was shoved in my face in no uncertain terms. My ego was in panic mode, screaming, “Who AM I without expecting a let down in every situation?” And, as if clinging on for survival, I attracted plenty of let-down as my ego battled to stay safe in a comfort zone of what was familiar. From road-ragers and an irritable school janitor to gut wrenching nausea and a spilled pint of water…..all over my laptop!

As upsetting as much of this was however, I had MADE A DECISION. I had taken charge – the reigns were in my hands and I was NOT letting go. So, despite wanting to cry a lot, I was also able to laugh in the face of each and every disappointment because I knew that all that was happening was a residue of years of negative expectation. It was hardly going to disappear overnight. Little did my ego know however that what it was doing was showing me repeatedly just how this operating system had been serving me and in every let down, I felt more and more and more determined to let it go. My subconscious just has to catch up with my new conscious awareness.

What to do now? What I know works:

1. Tell my most trusted friends and ask them for support which is already coming in many ways – from supportive emails to aromatherapy oil potions!

2. Write about it. There is nothing more powerful than journalling.

3. Write affirmations that will begin to transform my subconscious modus operandi. And, naturally create them as a beautiful piece of artwork (see pic above!)

4. Ensure I have a coach that has my back!

What is your Operating System? Do you want to change it? You have the power. You are Daring & Mighty!

With love, as always.