Hey Self Lover!
It is my pleasure to continue the series of true stories I have been sharing with you where I reveal how clients are discovering what is sabotaging them having what they desire.
Every week I am speaking with women who are saying NO MORE to anything in their life that doesn’t serve them.
Last week I was speaking with Lucy (name changed to protect her privacy). Her biggest frustration at the moment is not attracting clients to her new coaching business and feeling terrified at the thought of having to go back to her corporate job to make money.
Through our conversation it was revealed that a few days previously Lucy had turned 50. She was feeling utterly unloved, unseen and unimportant because her closest friends and family didn’t make a fuss of her. There were no cards, no calls, no celebration. She received a couple of texts but they hurt her – “Why couldn’t they call me!? How hard is it!? It’s my 50th for goodness sake!”
She felt desperately alone and like there was something wrong with her.
Naturally anyone would feel sad and vulnerable to experience this. Lucy did, for a second, and then she fell into victim –
“I’ve got to do everything myself”, “It’s always down to me”, “I can only rely on me”, “I can’t depend on anyone else.”
And then she fell into anger –
“F*** them!”, “I don’t need them”, “I don’t need anyone”, “I can take care of me.”
When we feel sad and hurt we feel vulnerable so often don’t allow ourselves to stay there for very long because it’s so uncomfortable. We shut that off and retaliate to feel safe. Vulnerability – which can actually be an incredibly strong and empowering experience – often doesn’t feel safe if we’re not practiced at it. Our conditioning has us get angry, push away and protect ourselves to feel safe.
Vulnerability feels weak and threatening. Anger makes us feel more in control and safe. Well – that’s the lie of our conditioning and our fearful ego voice!
I empathised with Lucy’s and her birthday experience and then explained the hard-to-hear-truth that what was happening was of her creation.
Ouch!
We attract our life experiences. They are a reflection of what we think and feel about ourselves. They are a reaction to the meaning we have given to past events in our life.
I invited Lucy to open up to her more vulnerable feelings so that we could explore why she attracted this painful experience into her life.
It was revealed that when she was a little girl, certain life experiences had occurred to have her believe that she had to take care of herself, that the only way to feel safe was to shut off others and do everything alone. She learned that she was more than capable of taking care off herself and it meant she always felt safe. She also learned that vulnerability and asking for help was a weakness.
Imagine your body as a big bundle of energy and that energy holds a megaphone that broadcasts the message far and wide what you believe about yourself. Lucy’s energy said, loud and clear, “Don’t come anywhere near me. I take care of me and I don’t need you.” That message got stronger and stronger throughout her life. Because this is what she believed, year on year she accumulated experiences in her life that PROVED this to be true. She had so much evidence that she wasn’t loveable, that no-one could care for her and that she was alone in the world. And so the cycle of self protection continued.
We get what we believe about ourselves.
The truth is, a scared, sad, abandoned little girl was running the show and rather than acknowledging her pain and thereby healing it, Lucy had been running from the pain for 45 years.
What we repress, ignore or push away only becomes stronger. It actually ends up ruling our life!
She was conditioned to believe that vulnerability was a weakness and that asking for support was pathetic. The idea of asking her friends to arrange a party for her was out of the question! The thought or reminding anyone that her 50th was coming up never crossed her mind.
The Universe is designed to support us. Even though the lack of attention on her birthday was painful, it was actually a gift from the Universe showing Lucy what needed to be healed in her life.
Her family presumed that Lucy had her birthday under control. They presumed she had probably booked herself a trip overseas (she did a lot of travel, which she loved). They were so used to her making all the plans, they thought she was creating something for herself. Lucy had essentially trained everyone she loved and cared for not to take care of her.
So how does this all link back to Lucy’s original concern – no clients, no money and the fear of having to go back to corporate?
When an energy is broadcasting the signal that says, “Stay away, I don’t need you” – then so it is!
Lucy felt unloveable, unworthy and not enough so naturally her energy broadcast that she was of no value. With regard to her business, her energy communicated that she didn’t have a service to offer anyone that was of any value.
Sure, her marketing said in black and white what she had to offer and what that would cost but her energy was WAY MORE POWERFUL than the words she wrote on an email, webpage or social media post!
To call in paying clients, Lucy’s assignment now is to re-wire her beliefs about her worthiness and her value. She is now focussed on healing that little girl which is a commitment to powerful inner child work where that little girl – the original victim – gets to be healed so that Lucy isn’t operating as a victim in her adult life. She is also creating new habits of behaviour that allow her to be vulnerable and ask for help.
As tough as the truth was to hear, Lucy was empowered to discover that she had been unconsciously pushing clients away rather than attracting them in. Suddenly it all made sense! All the marketing and pretty websites in the world don’t work when the energy behind the business says, “go away!”.
Lucy’s business success is also reliant on her getting visible and that requires her to know her worth and to believe she is good enough with a valuable service to offer her ideal clients. We uncovered that being visible currently makes her feel vulnerable and unsafe – something else that will be transformed as she re-wires her mind and re-programmes her energy to believing ‘I am enough’, ‘I am valuable’, ‘I am worthy’ and ‘I am loved’.
Awareness is the first step to change.
Lucy has already healed SO much. Escaping corporate and starting her own business was the hugest leap of faith and has required her to transform many limiting beliefs. She has evidence that she CAN create what she desires. This piece around calling in clients is simply her next level. She can and she will heal with this awareness. Yes, there’s a journey ahead and with support, she can do it.
I am excited to witness what Lucy does next. What a privilege it is to work with women like her – to watch them bravely heal and evolve and create their heart’s desires. It is a true honour.
I wonder what you can take away from Lucy’s awareness today? Does any of it resonate with you?
The trouble with blind spots is that we simply CANNOT see them for ourselves. We can do a lot of transformational work and healing on our own but often the root of our self sabotage is something that we can’t see for ourselves. If we could, we would change it, right!?
My most transformational healing has been the result of a coach shining a light on something that I could not see for myself. I was depressed, anxious, poor, single (or in drama fuelled relationships), lonely, unfulfilled and working in a career that wasn’t my truth. I turned ALL of that around through coaching. I don’t recognise the woman I used to be but I have so much love and compassion and gratitude for her and her journey.
I want that for you too.
If you are skirting around the edges and not sure whether you are ready for coaching or if it’s the right move for you, why don’t you jump on a call with me or one of my team to check it out? Sitting in the land of ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I’m not sure’ doesn’t feel very empowering. Speak with us and get a firm ‘yes’ or ‘no’ either way. Your truth is your power. So, shall we chat?
Let me know!
Love you,
Katie xx
P.S. If you are interested to know more about the Self Love Affair Transformational Process and would like to speak to someone at the School of Self Love about how we can support you, click here. When you click on the link, you will be prompted to answer a few questions. Your answers are important as they help us decide which of our team members will be best for you to speak to.
