{LOVE NOTE} Who is in control of your life?

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’m hosting a lesson from my book, The Self Love Affair: A Woman’s Guide to a Daring & Mighty Life, live in The Self Love Hub Facebook Group every Tuesday at 2pm (GMT).


Already, we’ve gained so much awareness around what you fear, what you desire, where you’re dissatisfied in life, and the negative beliefs that are running you. It’s now time to get back in the driver’s seat.

Being the captain of your life means letting go of what no longer serves you. It means digging through layer upon layer of qualities we’ve adopted from other people – often from our parents – to get to the core truth of who we really are.

Whatever your parents were like – whether they were busy or attentive, allowing or controlling, expressive or repressed – they were doing the best they could. But they have negative traits they picked up from their parents too. And in the purity of your being as a baby, you may have sensed that something was wrong. Perhaps you felt their love was conditional, or that you were not enough or even unlovable.

Those beliefs have stayed with you all your life, and caused you, on a subconscious level, to act in ways that are simply not true to you. You feel like you have no control over what triggers you, and that you’ll never change.

But darling, you ARE in control. You CAN change.

Here’s how:

With love and compassion, start to notice the negative traits that are holding you back in life. Look at how these could be linked to your parents or carers – are you imitating them or rebelling against them?

This process is about separating from your parents and healthily claiming your life as your own.


Here we go.

Step 1:
Look at the 10 areas of life we examined before. This time, write down the attitudes your Mum and Dad, or carers showed towards each area.

Physical Health/ Fitness
Money/ Finance
Relationships with Family/ Friends/ Colleagues
Relationship with Partner
Career/ Work
Spirituality/ Religion
Feelings/ Emotions

Step 2:
Now look at which attitudes you’ve adopted that are not serving you. Highlight the ones you share with your parents to some degree and the ones you rebel against.

Step 3:
Consider what you’ve been criticised for. Highlight anything that matches your parents’ behaviour. It’s hard to admit, I know. Be Daringly honest with yourself.

Step 4:
List out all the highlighted things separately and consider how they’ve been running your life. Witness them in action in your daily life.

Step 5:
Lastly, I want you to write freely about how you feel about this list. Get emotional here. If you could free yourself of your parents’ behaviours, who would you be?


You have done SO much good work. I want to honour and congratulate you. You’re getting to the bottom of who you are NOT. Once you’ve cleared away these layers, you’ll shine that much brighter!

In this week’s video (see above), I give lots of examples that can help you with this process. Remember, you are not alone, so feel free to share your discoveries in the comments below or on Facebook.

Love you,

Katie xx
Founder of The School of Self Love

P.S. I am speaking with women who are serious about creating deep transformation in their lives. My group coaching programme – LIVE LOUDER – is about to start up again. We have run this programme several times with great success. If you would like to talk to me about whether it’s the right fit for you, please click here. Very limited spaces only available!


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Do you dare to love yourself?

Our curriculum responds to the wider needs of women who know in their hearts that they were put on the earth to do something special.

If you are willing to drop your self-sabotaging conditioning, stop listening to the voice of self doubt and exhausting yourself with emotional gymnastics, then your mighty life awaits!

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