“Thank you for my life. Thank you for my life. Thank you for my life.”
Those were the words that were repeating in my head, over and over, as I walked my dog, Boomer, this morning.
I had a realisation that nearly every morning when I am walking in nature with Boomer words similar to this come to me and I feel such gratitude in my heart for getting to live this precious life.
Last night I was walking him around the lake. It was pitch black but I had the light of the full moon guiding my steps and as I looked up at the moon I felt a mix of awe, gratitude, and insignificance as I realised how lucky I am to be getting to live on this rock that’s hurtling through space. I mean, what are the chances!?
To have deep gratitude in my heart on almost a daily basis is something I am incredibly grateful for. I didn’t used to feel this way.
During a breathwork healing session that I received last week, I had a profound realisation that I never give myself credit for the work I have done to bring me to this place in my life. I found myself thanking myself for my persistence, tenacity, and great big heart. For the years of commitment to my personal healing journey, to my healing and coaching training and the years of commitment to my work.
I wouldn’t be able to feel the gratitude I do for my life and this planet and the chance to be here without my investment in my healing journey and transformational work. It felt important to experience gratitude for myself. To allow myself to be proud of myself. It felt so expansive!
And I apologised to myself for not recognising my journey and the input I have made to co-create my life now. I apologised for always expecting more from myself and for the persistent wondering and judgement of why am I not further along! That apology to myself had me realise I am much further along than I tell myself. The story of ‘you should have achieved more by now’ is old and actually not at all true. What a relief to let myself off the hook!
I forgave myself and I gave myself love. Something that we all have the choice to do in every moment of every day.
‘Thanksgiving’ was last week. I had a week in Florida and I spent the entire time in awe of my life, my family, my friends, and our planet. As I write this now, I have tears running down my face. I just feel so lucky.
There was a moment last week when I was experiencing pure joy, in my element on a speed boat in the glorious sunshine (see pic) with very dear friends, my husband, son, and our dogs. And in that moment I saw in my mind’s eye a woman my age who was experiencing the exact opposite. On the other side of the world, in the dark, feeling terrified for herself, her family, her friends, and her entire world. Tears filled my eyes and I sent her love. What else could I do?
While I am grateful for the awareness to acknowledge how I have co-created my life and what I get to experience now I am also aware that I am very lucky and privileged. Life just doesn’t feel fair sometimes. The only way I can reconcile that unfairness is to remember my belief that we all have soul contracts that we signed up for in this particular incarnation.
My soul contract for this lifetime has had its own challenging and traumatic twists and turns. And, I was born into a corner of the world that allowed me the privilege of healing and then helping others. This is what I can do where I live and it’s what I focus on when I feel that life is unfair. I trust that my healing work has a ripple effect and I trust that this is my contribution to healing what feels unfair in the world.
And I circle back to gratitude. I am grateful for those years that felt really tough when I didn’t feel like I was enough, when I felt a loving relationship wasn’t meant for me, when money was very scarce, when I lived in survival mode and felt like a victim of a cruel and heartless world. Grateful because now I can transmute and recycle all of that into helping, healing, and supporting others.
And, I am grateful to know this and be able to share a little of my heart with you today.
Thank you for being in my world and for contributing your light to where it’s needed in any way you can.