If you have been reading my newsletters or blog, you have probably cottoned on to the thing which I am most moved by. Love. Specifically, self love. The thing is, when you make a decision to understand the nuts and bolts of something, and then teach it, it becomes a life long purpose which is layer upon layer upon layer of deeper learning and truths. Just when I think I have a handle on it. Just when I think I have the best juicy nuggets to share with you, I find ‘the’ best bit. Then I discover some more! And, I keep on learning.
Self love is miraculous and literally life changing. It wasn’t an easy path for me to reach it. It was my holy grail. So, once I had it, I was determined to hold onto it. It simply was not an option to lose what I had found and yet I was nervous that somehow I would revert to the way I was – empty and lost. I wondered how I could keep my balance and focus on what is real and true when I live in such a busy, demanding world. That would be the true test.
Little did I know that tapping into that great power of love within was just the beginning and now that my spirit was running the show, there was no going back so I actually had nothing to fear!
But I did fear. The thing I feared most was whether I could stay in love with myself when I had and wanted others to give my love to. Was there enough to go around?
Take my son for example. Of course I loved him. Deeply. Pre-self-love-affair, my experience of loving him – although a wondrous thing – left me bereft of any love left for myself. Let alone anyone else. When I discovered that there was something equally wondrous inside me, that deserved my love and attention, miraculously my ability to love in general increased. I had a greater capacity for myself and my son. I have been able to love him in a consciously deeper way without losing anything of myself. And, because I love myself, I am pretty sure he feels my love for him in a more healthy, dependable way.
Not only do I have a healthier, more loving relationship with my son. I also have happier, more loving friendships in general. I have a home that is brimming with love. I have work that is completely heart and love centred. So, lots of evidence is mounting up to show me that there IS enough love to go around. That, the more I love, the more I love. The more I give love, the more I give it to myself. The more I receive it from others. It is abundant and limitless. And, even cooler, the energetic vibration of love is the highest there is, so it literally has the power to create anything I want. When love is in charge, love expands to touch and support every part of my life. Every dream becomes a possibility.
I am writing this as a note to self. I need to remind myself of the FACTS. You see, I am single. For the first time ever, I am very happily single. And have been for a while now! It has been a blessing. I always thought ‘comfortably, happily single’ was for other girls. It was another holy grail. Lately I have been wondering if I am ready to invite an intimate relationship back into my life. Is there enough love within and around me to hold the vulnerability and connection of intimacy? Can love hold the space when a new energy comes in to alter my tidy, ordered life!? Will I be able to do the work I love, with the same level of passion if I am giving my passion to another? You get the drift.
If I love someone new, will I still be able to love myself?
Can I have it all? The holy grail trifecta?! Cups that runneth over?
Am I Daring & Mighty?