Hey Self Lover!
You may have read my recent article where I pulled back the coaching curtain and started revealing real life stories about women who are finally saying “no more!” to anything in their life that doesn’t serve them.
I would like to share another true client story today and I think you are going to get SO much from this woman’s experience.
As a coach, my job is to help clients to see their blind spots.
So often your beliefs are so hard wired into you as your ‘truth’ that you can’t see what else could be true.
You feel blocked to getting what you want because you are making (or not making!) decisions based on the only truth(s) you know.
My job is to witness what truths you have that are holding you back and to invite you to consider alternate truths. Truths that can set you free.
I was working with a woman last week who ran stories like this (and I wonder if you can relate) :
“I don’t know how to make decisions”
“I don’t know what to do”
“I don’t know what to say”
These statements were her ‘truth’.
When she believed these stories, she felt frustrated, alone, behind and down trodden. She was fed up!
The affect these stories had on her life were:
* Not being able to stand up for herself or speak her truth.
* Not feeling confident that any choice she made was correct.
* She felt utterly behind in life and not where she ‘should’ be by her age.
* Not feeling like she was living her truth, on purpose and fulfilled.
* She didn’t know how to take responsibility for her life and she was always waiting for someone else to make her decisions.
Our coaching session started by working backwards. We started with what was going on in her life, specifically, that had her feel so behind, lost and unfulfilled. I supported her to tune in to the truth of how that made her feel – she is such a talented, capable woman and has learned to just ‘get on with it’ rather than allow her feelings. Surely that’s indulgent and a waste of time? Erm, no! It’s the route to healing. When she was able to feel her true feelings – to give them time and space to be – we could get to the root of why she was experiencing life the way she was.
Her beliefs about herself were the root cause of all of her disappointment and unhappiness.
It turned out that her father told her regularly that she didn’t know what she was doing, that he knew best, that she should follow his lead and do what he said. He was dominating, opinionated and controlling. Sure, he loved her and we know he was doing his best with what he knew and the tools he had. His control was probably the only way he knew to show love. Sadly, it had an incredibly detrimental affect on my client.
She grew up not knowing how to think or feel for herself. Her conditioning was to let others do that for her. No wonder she first came to me with a disconnected sense of not knowing who she was and what she wanted.
But there is a huge twist in this story!
This woman lived a really full life. To her friends and family, it appeared that she was a pro at making decisions and living her truth. She regularly takes herself off on trips, festivals and retreats to exotic locations. She’s always investing in a course or workshop or event on subjects she is passionate about. She loves her tennis and yoga. Her work takes her around the world, regularly. She loves travel and following the sun so all of this is very much in alignment with her and she loves it.
So, she DOES make decisions for herself that reflect who she is. Her life is far from on hold except she FEELS it is because she couldn’t see her real truth. Her conditioning was so powerful that she believed her story that she ‘didn’t know how’ and ‘couldn’t make decisions’ for herself.
Powerful blind spot!
By helping her to see that she actually DID have the ability to think for herself and make important life decisions successfully the light began to shine on a new story that was now her assignment to strengthen :
I DO know who I am and what I want
I CAN make decisions
I AM an excellent decision maker
I KNOW how to live my truth
I CAN trust myself
I AM clever
Her work now is to strengthen these new beliefs and create new stories by affirming her new affirmations daily and going more deeply into her relationship with her inner child whom she now gets to re-parent.
As she embraces and embodies her new truth, it will become easier for her to make decisions and have powerful conversations that can move her desires forward – like meeting her soul mate and taking a leap into a career that totally lights her up. That’s her next level and while she believed her old stories, she felt stuck and those goals seemed impossible.
The process that lays ahead now of healing her conditioning, re-parenting her inner child, hooking into her infinite potential and feeing empowered to be her true self now opens up the doors to all of her dreams – making them seem more achievable.
I wonder what you can take away from this woman’s awareness today? Does any of it resonate with you?
The trouble with blind spots is that we simply CANNOT see them for ourselves. We can do a lot of transformational work and healing on our own but often the root of our self sabotage is something that we can’t see for ourselves. If we could, we would change it, right!?
My most transformational healing has been the result of a coach shining a light on something that I could not see for myself. I was depressed, anxious, poor, single (or in drama fuelled relationships), lonely, unfulfilled and working in a career that wasn’t my truth. I turned ALL of that around through coaching. I don’t recognise the woman I used to be but I have so much love and compassion and gratitude for her and her journey.
I want that for you too.
If you are skirting around the edges and not sure whether you are ready for coaching or if it’s the right move for you, why don’t you jump on a call with me or one of my team to check it out? Sitting in the land of ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I’m not sure’ doesn’t feel very empowering. Speak with us and get a firm ‘yes’ or ‘no’ either way. Your truth is your power. So, shall we chat?
Let me know!
P.S. If you are interested to know more about the Self Love Affair Transformational Process and would like to speak to someone at the School of Self Love about how we can support you, click HERE.