In today’s ‘Cocoon & Cuppa’ Q&A I shared my ‘7 Steps To Releasing Resentment’ by answering this question:
“How do I stop feeling like ‘it’s all on me’ while taking care of certain other people in my family?
I want to turn this feeling like a victim around so that I can enjoy what I give and how in turn I can receive the feelings of self-love and pride in who I am and what I can do for others.
I don’t like the way I feel when people ‘pass the buck’ to me because they rely on the fact that I am the one who will get things sorted.
I feel resentful that it’s always on me. It’s also scary because I worry that if I am not on top of things, what might happen? I want to let that go, I want to help the people I love with a different energy.”
I wonder if you can relate to this question?
Do you ever experience feeling resentful when you are giving to the people you love? I know I can sometimes and I’ve got some excellent tips and tools to help you to flip this experience.
You can watch the Q&A Live Replay here > https://youtu.be/3rLFYgJJ-Fw
Grab your pen and journal – you’ll want to take notes!
7 Steps To Releasing Resentment
1. How am I filling myself up?
When we feel resentful it’s often because we are giving from an empty tank.
Self-love invites you to take care of yourself first so that you are filled up with an overflow to share with others.
2. Your ‘why’?
Write a comprehensive list of WHY you support your family members in the way that you do. This is going to be a great source of information that you can work with and do some self exploration.
Write all the reasons why you are doing what you do. Include your feelings for the other person or people.
After writing the list, notate next to each item where the ‘why’ is love based and where it is coming from a place of obligation or victim or judgement.
3. Dial into the love (and mind your own business)
I believe that focussing on all the loving reasons you desire to support others will help you move into a space of giving (not doing) that will feel really good for you.
Develop a habit of focussing on the ‘loving why’.
There could be a habit of feeling taking advantage of and so that’s where the focus goes which feels disempowering. I bet there are lots of loving reasons why you care for others the way that you do. I bet you have a beautiful big heart.
I invite you to fully own your decisions and actions knowing they are coming from a place of deep love. If your focus is there, it’s hard not to ‘give’ (rather than ‘do’) from a place of deep love.
If you owned your decisions and actions fully, then no matter how other people behave with you or don’t take action, it’s not your business. You are your business and you know your motivation and loving intention. That is your focus. It becomes a case of ‘minding your own business’ but we can only do that when we are clear on what our business is.
4. Receive the love
Notice also what you receive from giving from a place of love. Notice where it’s a win:win.
Allow yourself to feel what’s great about the experience of giving.
5. Ask ‘Is it true’?
Notice where your ‘why’ reasons lay more in the land of obligation / judgement / victim / martyr / resentment etc.
e.g. “no-one else can or want to do it”, “no-one else will do it properly”, “I am the only one who ever steps up”
Ask yourself these questions in relation to each belief:
- Is it true?
- How do I feel when I believe that to be true?
- How do I desire to feel?
- What else could be true?
6. The common denominator
With love, non-judgement and an open heart, notice that you are the common denominator in each experience where you feel ‘put upon’ or ‘taken advantage of’ or ‘unappreciated’.
I think that victim behaviour does attract an experience of being taken advantage of because that is what you are making yourself available for. You are energetically available to be taken from.
Something within you is saying ‘I am available to be walked over’.
I do powerful therapeutic coaching work with women to help them heal why they available to be walked over.
7. Make different choices / have clearing conversations from a clean and empowered place
This self enquiry could then be great information for you to prepare in advance around boundaries and conversations that are now needed to ensure that you are giving from a place of love and full alignment with the truth of you.
You need the ‘information’ that you gathered in the steps above so that you can make empowered choices, to have empowered conversations, to set empowered boundaries and to feel empowered when you are making decisions. It’s about bringing you to a place of empowerment in your actions.
I hope this was helpful. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.