Ever since I was a little girl, I have worried. It was my default emotion for many many years and had me feel anxious for a very long time. In my darkest days, my anxiety would have me literally sitting on the floor breathless because my breathing couldn’t keep up with my racing heart.
I’m pleased to say those days of crippling anxiety are over but I would be lying if I said I don’t default to worry and anxiety regularly. I do.
More often than not, my first feeling in the morning is anxiety. It’s not like it used to be, but it’s present. It’s like a dull ache or a reverberation from years gone by. It’s not necessarily a reflection of my present day reality. Rather, it’s a resonance of my past … a memory that’s stored in my body.
I also feel that the hormone shifts of peri-menopause are probably contributing to my anxiety too.
I believe we can rewire our thoughts and so feel better as a result (because we feel our thinking) and as much as I have overcome a shed load, there is more rewiring in progress. It’s like installing a new operating system!
I think my early morning anxiety comes from memories stored in my body of not feeling safe or feeling alone and unprotected (which is a response to having emotionally distracted parents when I was a baby – they each had their own demons to face). I am vulnerable when I first wake and so my most real, raw and honest truth is felt. On some level, I still don’t feel safe in the world and that is something I am committed to healing. It’s a journey. I’ve come a long way. There’s a little more to go.
Judging myself for not having healed this fully yet makes it worse.Shaming myself for being a transformational coach and expert in mental / emotional healing makes it worse. Trying to stop it or ignore it or push it down makes it worse.
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I would like to share with you how I support myself to feel better.
STEP ONE :
I choose to love myself. I choose to have masses of compassion for that part of me (the little girl) who felt unsafe. That part of me still resides within me and she is looking to be seen and heard. When I look at her lovingly with understanding, I melt. I love that little girl SO much. It’s not her fault she felt so unsafe. From that place of compassion, I am able to love my adult self fiercely. And that sets me free.
No word of a lie, every time I apply self love to my early morning anxiety, I feel better instantly.
STEP TWO :
I then journal my thoughts and feelings. I acknowledge all that’s going on. I practically work out the answers to any worries. I allow myself to see and hear all my feelings. I am then able to write creatively and inspirationally – ideas always flow once I have acknowledged my shadows.
I know that my anxiety is healing. I don’t know how long it will take to disappear for good and you know what, maybe it never will. Sometimes I think it’s part of the human condition to feel anxious and that thought actually gives me relief – I’m normal! I have also reached a place of totally accepting that the woman I am is a woman with a habit of early morning anxiety. I know what tools and techniques alleviate it and help me to heal, day by day. I am committed to ‘the work’ that’s required to heal. And I am not attached to how long it will take. I simply allow myself to be who I am – right here, right now. That depth of self understanding, self compassion and self love is something I am incredibly proud of.
Self love isn’t about achieving a final state of emotional and mental perfection. It’s about committing to living consciously and allowing all that you are in every minute of every day, knowing that you are always doing your best and your best is enough.
I feel so proud to be so committed to my self love journey and honoured to guide other women home to themselves so that they too can feel fully accepting of all that they are as they consciously choose to move from fear to love every day – AKA Transformational Living!
I hope today’s message speaks to you.
All my love,
Katie xx
Founder of The School of Self Love
PS. If you are committed to transformational living, perhaps you are also interested in transformational travel!? If so, my RISE RETREAT will be right up your street. Join me in Sri-Lanka at the end of November for a week of deep self immersion, self reflection, healing, rest and relaxation with me as your guide. Find out more by clicking HERE.
>> THE RISE RETREAT is coming! November 25 – December 1, Sri Lanka <<
https://theschoolofself.love/courses/right-here-right-now/live-louder
