How To Get What You Need

My daily practices keep me lovingly connected to me, grounded in the knowledge that life is designed to support me and able to feel sane when everything feel topsy turvey!

It’s a daily habit for me to ask myself how I feel and what I need. Sometimes I do that mentally and feel into the answers. Sometimes I write in my journal.

Yesterday morning I wrote:

“I feel bored, trapped, uninspired, dull, listless, joyless and blunt”


I didn’t judge myself. I fully acknowledged those feelings and instantly in the acknowledgement I felt it start to lift. I felt lovingly connected to myself. I felt compassion for myself. It was a relief to put this in black and white and not have it swirling uninterpreted in my head, making me feel low.

Then I asked myself what I needed. I wrote:

“I need a walk on the beach, a swim in the ocean, a real coffee from a coffee shop, a trip to the cinema, a glass of chilled sauvignon blanc in a bar, a gallery viewing, a dinner party with friends that make me belly laugh”

For a multitude of reasons – at the top being Covid 19 and a new puppy that hasn’t had all his vaccinations and gets car sick if we travel more than 5 minutes from the house – this was all currently impossible.

That was hard to stomach at first. My victim archetype popped her head up. I allowed it for a while. It made sense that I would feel disappointed not to create what I needed for myself.

Then I dug deeper.

Beyond the specifics, I desired pleasure, joy and fun.

Self-love asked me, “How could you create that for yourself today, Katie?”

And this is what I wrote,

“Today I will only do what brings me pleasure. I will only do what feels good. I will have a whole day of feeling goon in a way that feels good for me, moment to moment. A DAY OF ABUNDANT PLEASURE”

I wrote a list of ideas and allowed my day to unfold.

I played with the puppy, lay in the sun topless, read my book, napped when the puppy napped, washed my bedding and hung it out in the glorious sunshine to dry (I love sun dried bedding to climb into at night!), ate biscuits, drank tea, had a cold shower and closed my eyes and imagined I  was diving off a boat into the Mediterranean Ocean (that vision brought tears to my eyes – it was heavenly) and went for an early evening walk in the woods alone.

I don’t remember the last time I read a book and napped!

It was glorious.

When I felt inspired I responded to emails and connected with clients. It felt good to work sporadically from a place of pleasure.

This morning I awoke feeling open, inspired and inquisitive. I had more energy and I needed it because I was alone all day with the puppy! I committed to another day of following pleasure and I set the intention to surrender even more.

Self love invites us to think outside the box, dig a little deeper and ask better questions!

So, to summarise…..

Daily Self Love Practice

  1. How do I feel?
  2. What do I need?
  3. How do I desire to feel?
  4. How can I create those feelings more myself? What is available to me? Ask yourself better questions.

Self love will :

  1. acknowledge your feelings without judgement
  2. acknowledge your victim archetype when she pops up for attention (she is a gift!)
  3. think outside the box and explore how to support you as a non-negotiable task.
  4. prioritise your desires and give you permission to follow joy, pleasure and fun.

You might like to watch the ‘Self Love Wisdom’ episode I filmed on this topic for my ‘Cocoon & Cuppa’ live series. Here’s the link:


Much love,






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